The Dark but True Story of How I Started Piano
I’m gonna be honest with you. The story of the start to my journey as a musician was not glamorous. Actually… it’s pretty dark…
It REALLY sucked at the time. But I thank the lord it happened. Because it’s one of those things that when you look back at how the pieces all came together, you realize it all worked out so perfectly. All the dominoes fell in the exact sequence that now led to my music career.
I still remember the exact night it happened. It’s burned into my memory. We’ll get to that in a bit. But here’s the whole story…
I was never the “cool kid” back in school.
I never sat at the “cool kids” lunch table.
I was never invited to the parties.
I was the awkward, shy band-nerd.
My Dad’s was gym teacher. My Mom was a stay at home Mom. They had 6 kids. Which means we didn’t have money for all the fancy things in life. And I got made fun of a LOT.
At school, all the rich kids in their little “Lacoste” alligator T-Shirts would point and laugh at me for wearing my big cousin’s hand-me-downs (3 sizes too big…I looked like a parachute man!!). My shorts were so long they used to call them Capri’s lol.
When my little sister was born, we shifted to a two-bunk-beds-in-the-same-room setup (no privacy, but the Pillow Fights were EPIC!)
“Hey Mom, can we go to Disney World?” was quickly responded to with “Let’s go to Grandpa’s house instead!”
My Dad always preached that work-ethic, character, and just good-ole treating people right were more important than money. I didn’t see it at at the time, but looking back it seems so obvious.
Anyway, like most bullied kids, it turned me into a shy introvert. It was really hard to make friends. Even in the band-nerd friend group I was low end of the totem pole.
I avoided social interaction like the plague. My biggest fear was the first day of lunch every quarter, standing awkwardly with my lunch tray trying to find a table to sit at.
And then it got even worse…
I went to College. I was PUMPED for college.
They send you these brochures with smiling, happy kids on the front (you know the ones I’m talking about, right?). It seemed SO easy to make friends. And I was DETERMINED to be different, to change.
I was going to be CONFIDENT. I was going to BE SOCIAL. I was gonna be one the freakin cool kids gosh darnit! I was going to push myself to make a ton of friends and “put myself out there.”
I would wake up, stand in front of the mirror and say “I am confident” 100 times every morning. I was literally the awkward guy in those Romantic Comedies who pumps himself up in front of the mirror.
Of course in the movies, the girl “sees the lovable, nerdy side in him” and it all works out so perfectly.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the movies. Real life doesn’t work that way.
The first week in my dorm I talked to everyone I could. If your door was open guess what I’m coming in to say hi. If I see you at the caf guess what I’m coming over to eat lunch with you. It was scary as a mofo. But I did it because I knew I couldn’t handle another round of High School all over again.
And it backfired.
Instead of becoming the “cool, social guy who everyone liked”, I became the “weird guy of the dorms who always just shows up in your room”. We all know “that guy”.
It was high school all over again. But instead of getting made fun of for being poor, I was made fun of for being weird. Except this time I didn’t have my family around. I didn’t have my brothers to laugh it off with. I didn’t have Mom there to help me through things. It was honestly the loneliest time of my life.
And then I hit rock bottom. And had the night that completely changed my life…
I still remember the night. It was a Friday night in early December.
I HATED Friday nights. I’d be alone in my dorm room (like always), but the difference was on weekends you could hear everyone else partying through the walls. You could hear everyone else having fun. Which makes you feel extra lonely if you’re alone in your room.
Now, the way the dorms were set up, the bathrooms were on one side of the hallway. And my dorm was ALL the way on the opposite side.
I hated going to the bathroom on Friday nights because I’d have to walk past all the open doors of people partying and I didn’t want them to see that I was alone on a Friday night. It made me feel like a loser.
On this particular night I walked to the bathroom (real fast of course, so nobody would see me). On my way back to my room, RIGHT as I was about to pass one of the open doors, I hear one of the kids in there… “Hey, does anyone know that Zach kid?”
I froze in my track. There was a pause. Then… “Yea, he’s super weird, nobody really likes him.”
…
It hit me. Hard.
I can honestly say I’ve never felt that bad in my life. Because when people don’t know you’re listening, that’s when their the most honest. And that was the honest truth of how people felt about me.
And even worse, now I was stuck. I didn’t want to walk past the door and have them see me. I was too embarrassed. But that was the only way to get to my room at the end of the hall. So I turned around and walked out of the dorm.
I went outside and walked and walked and walked. And I’m not usually a cryer but there are times in life where you just have to let the tears flow.
And mind you, this is Wisconsin in the winter. It’s pushing 10 degrees. And I’m out there in shorts and flip flops because I only planned to go to the bathroom and back to my room. I’m literally freezing.
So I walk back to the dorm, but I’m still to embarrassed and scared to to back to my room and have to face walking past that door. So I go to the dorm basement instead. And that’s when the pieces seemed to magically fall in place.
I’m walking around the empty dorm basement with the beat-up ping-pong table, the pool table with the broken sticks, and I notice a random door wayyyyy in the corner.
One of those doors you’d never really notice unless you stumbled upon it.
And it had a little sign on it. “Piano Room”.
I walk in and there’s an old, junky upright piano. Two of the keys were busted. The paint on the wood was chipped. And you didn’t have to be a pro musician to tell the thing was drastically out of tune.
But I sat down and played. I only knew one song. It was a song i learned way back in the day as a kid before I quit lessons. And I played that song over and over and over. And the more I played, the more I could immerse myself in the music and forget about what had happened that night.
I played for 4 hours straight. I didn’t get back to my room till 5:30 AM.
That darned piano room saved me. I started going there every day. Pounding the keys for hours straight. It became an escape from me, a safe-haven. A place I could just forget about everything that was going on and just put my all into the music.
Every day I’d sit there and practice. It sure as hell was better than going to my dorm room to be alone. I started looking up YouTube videos for piano tips and lessons. I’d learn more and more songs. And it felt good.
As I continued to get better and better, people started to notice. People from the dorm would hear me from outside, knock on the door and be surprised when I was the one opening the door.
I started changing from “the weird guy” to “that guy who’s really good at piano”.
And it started to build my confidence, slowly but surely.
Then the real Gamechanger happened. I started posting piano YouTube videos, and got a ton of positive feedback. Comments, messages, shares. From random strangers on the internet.
People all over the world collectively building up my confidence.
I felt like I was really somebody now. I wasn’t the awkward, shy kid anymore. I was the talented pianist.
And I might never be one of the “cool kids”, but I was happy and satisfied just being me.
And it was real confidence. Not “pump yourself up in front of the mirror” confidence. But that deep confidence. The genuine confidence you get from working hard at something to become successful at it.
So I wanted to say THANK YOU. It’s people like YOU that helped me out of a hard time.
If it wasn’t for hundreds of strangers just like you helping me through that rough time, whether it’s a quick comment, a share, or getting some of my music, I really don’t know where I’d be right now. Seriously, I appreciate it.
I know I might not know you personally, but trust me by supporting my music you’ve absolutely made a huge impact on my life. And it means the world to me, it really does. So thanks.
As a thank you I’d like to give ya a free track. This is a piece from the Dark Ivory album, but the original theme was one I made up wayyyy back in college when I was going through all this stuff. So be warned, it’s a pretty sad song! But I think it’ll really put you into the emotions I was feeling at the time.
The track’s called “Drift Away”, and you can download it here for free.
Thanks again for everything,
-Zach
P.S.
I hope this post wasn’t too dark! I know it isn’t exactly the “fun, entertaining” post. But sometimes the truth isn’t fun and entertaining, but I feel like I had to get it out there.
Because yea, I could try to pretend to be “cool musician guy”, but that’s not real. That’s not the truth. I want to give you the down-and-dirty stories and not try to “glam it up”.
Speaking of stories, I have a lot more… let’s just say “interesting” ones…
I’ll send them to you. Not all of them are this dark. But a lot are embarrassing… in a more funny way haha. Hopefully some of them can inspire, entertain, or touch you in one way or another.
Don’t forget to download the free track Drift Away here, and feel free to comment or shoot me a message and say hi, I’d love to hear from you.
P.P.S. if you’ve ever wanted to learn piano, I have an online course called “Become a Piano Superhuman” and right now I’m releasing it for free! If you’re interested, you can sign up here.
Hi Zach. I really liked that you shared your story.Letting others into your world is always intimidating. I can tell you have learned to step outside of your comfort zone, and as a result you will always keep growing as a person.
Blessings on you.
Bill Toews.
Thanks a lot Bill! I appreciate the love 🙂
Life can be terrifying and opening up about your life…even more so. Thank you for doing that and for your music.
Aloha; Judy Guffey
No problem Judy, glad you enjoyed it 🙂
-Zach